People aren't rational.
When you meet them, people are defensive. They're defensive because they're scared: scared of looking stupid; scared their gut will flop out of their new Lululemon shirt; scared they'll be told that they shouldn't be wearing that; scared you'll tell them they've been doing it wrong for the last ten years. They're trying to stand there and grin bravely, PVC over their heads on their first visit to this scary concrete torture chamber, frightening acronyms written messily on a dirty wall, surrounded by strangers who are experts, Lizard Brain screaming to duck and cover, and you're saying, "3,2,1...." and they think they may actually pee a little on those box jumps....
And yet...people can get over it. The brain's ability to adapt, even to stressful circumstances, is remarkable. We talk about plasticity a lot in Ignite seminars, but it never ceases to surprise me: any objection, no matter how logical, can be overcome by a strong emotional trigger. For instance: "When I saw your dirty bathroom floor, my skin crawled. But I stayed for a class, and thought you guys were really nice and the group was really welcoming. So I stayed. I still hate your bathrooms, but...."
What people require from you is the establishment - and constant reinforcement of - an emotional baseline. "No matter what else happens, at least THIS will be true...."
- "I'm having a terrible workout. This might be my worst 'Helen' time ever. But I know Coop won't tell me not to come back...."
- "I'm out of sessions, and I forgot my wallet at home. Class is about to start. But they'll let me in today, because they trust me and I trust them not to embarrass me about it."
- "CrossFit Flashbulb just posted on my facebook wall. I won't block them, because they won't tell me to lose 20lbs in front of my friends....or at all."
- "I can bring my friends with me, because even if their bathroom is dirty, I think they'll love the coaching enough to tell me I was right to come here. I'll be socially validated....I think. I wish they'd clean the bathroom! Maybe I'll wait a month...."
When there's no tellling HOW low you'll stoop; when the relationship between you and your client doesn't appear to have a firm foundation; when you act differently toward them on different days of the week...you don't have a relationship worth sharing.
A final note: I'm talking here, of course, about your social contract. Just as emotion can overcome logic to help you, it can also harm you: no matter how good your coaching, or how much you've changed their lives, if you break that contract once, the rest won't matter. The foundation has to remain solid and strong.
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